Comparisons

And their antidote: following the spirit. 

I’ve listened to the talk “wrestling with comparisons“ by JB Haws BYU devotional ‘19

At least six times now. It resonates with me. Making comparisons truly is as natural to me as breathing. That’s something that’s been weighing me down a lot the last few weeks.

For example, Shad was just made Bishop and his word and bananas husband, stake president. I’m not jealous of them. But it does bring emotions and his friends are called to something big like that. Emotions of inadequacy, weakness, and the “I suck as a human being“ syndrome (I just made that syndrome up, but it’s something I go through probably four or five times a year. A day or a week of feeling down on myself and like I don’t measure up to anything or anyone. 

So I’ve been comparing myself. I’ve been comparing my light to their light. My level of commitment and obedience to their level of commitment and obedience. My level of submission and support and ability to thrive on my own without my husband stepping in and helping versus their ability to mother on her own. And the exhausting and exhaustive list i’m comparing my vile soul to their majestic and perfect one goes on, and on, and on. 

But luckily, the spirit stopped in my tracks this time. Grant and I was far down those tracks and train of thinking, but eventually did stop me. Eventually it brought back feelings and flashbacks in my mind I Mike’s Mission is with these people. They are human beings. What is my very favorite brene  Brown quotes is “people, people, people, people.“

Shad, Lizzie, Benette, even president Galloway are all people.  they’re just people. With weaknesses and inadequacies like my own. But they have different skill sets for me and this time in life are needed. There are the super humans, the spiritual giants. But aren’t children the greatest among these? Aren’t the handicap already saved? Are the rest of us just working on our salvation?

So here is the antidote. I came in state conference last week. And the speaker said “every single time you have a prompting for the spirit, at. Don’t push it off, don’t rationalize it away, don’t even be reasonable. Just act.“

And when you marry the two thoughts together, you get: comparisons of somebody else’s amazingness vs. my own sucking ass (that was supposed to be say suckyNess, but I’m OK with what Siri translated it into). 

You get the following two examples:

First: I’m sitting there thinking about how perfect they always are when I realize “Benette is one of my very best friends. I know her, I love her, and I know this is gonna be hard for her. I know this is a huge sacrifice that has been asked of their family, and she and they cannot do it alone. I have worked on our friendship and I will continue to do so. She’s going to need some good, supportive, loving, understanding friends s as do  I can be one of those for her” and so, instead of continuing in the comfort of wallowing in my comparisons, I got out of myself. I showed understanding and I recognized what kind of position I was in to help, serve, lift, step up, and show up in a big way. So instead, I sent this text to some of our Besties:

“In light of this weekend and to show our love & support, I think it could be nice if we went to lunch sometime this week. 

Is there a day that works for everyone? Benette, is there anyone else you’d like to invite?”

It’s not a perfect text. The wording is not perfect, even the idea might not be perfect, as I know how comfortable she is to have the spotlight on her. But I wanted her to know that she has friends. I want her to know that there are people in her life that have her back and I love her and her family. 

So, in the end six of us got together and had the most wonderful lunch. We all benefited from it as we net our hearts together in unity and love for one another. 

Are used to hate the quote “it takes a village to raise a child.” I felt like it was a cop out, like parents were just wanting an easy way out of raising their own child. I know sometimes there is that, and the children to pay for it, but every day and every experience I have with another human being, I realize the kind a village I want helping me to raise my family. I want it big, I want to strong, and I want willing and to give their all just like I am. My children can’t learn everything I need to know from Mike and me, they need others as well. They need others to open their minds and perspectives. They need others to make heart to heart connections with them. 

The timing of the “just follow a positive thought”and my wrestling with comparisons couldn’t have been better.

Second example: Shad. I know Shad, I know the things he struggles with, I know his Temptations, and I know his weaknesses. But he also has incredible strength and on the outside, he appears to have it all and to be at all. He’s fat, he’s good looking, he’s a multimillionaire, he has an amazing home, and he has an amazing wife. He’s got it all, so it appears. And I can’t help but feel like a fat, lazy, lard loser next to him. He’s always been more popular, he’s always had more friends, he’s always been a better speaker, he’s always been the funnier one. He’s the cool one. Cooler than me anyway. 

But I also know that he scared to death about his new calling. I’m sure he feels totally and completely inadequate leaving a bunch of amazing, and the majority of older people. So there again, instead of beating myself down for all of my inadequacies, I tapped into my internal strength and beauty, and responded to the feeling that I should text him lots of love, prayer, encouragement, and support as follows:

“Thinking of you today & you’re in our thoughts and prayers! Your ward is lucky to have you and you’ve got this! 🤙🏼”

We’re all in this journey together. We all have our strengths and we ALL have our weaknesses. We need each other and the only way we can help each other is if we get over ourselves and our own “suckyness.”