Timing

"Are you enjoying him?" (referring to my newborn Daniel) a question my VT companion asked me this morning.

To which I responded by squeezing him tight, kissing him on the head, and a resolute: "Yes, I'm LOVING him!"

I had some rough years... and quite a few of them. Life really didn't start for me until I met Mike. It was hard. I knew what I wanted, I worked my tail off trying to get it, and yet, I remained single and (my own) family-less. I saw the happiness family brought to others and I wanted it so bad.

I know 24 is still very young to get married-- and I count my blessings every day that our Heavenly Father didn't make me wait any longer. I am so appreciative of the Blessings that He has blessed me with. With a husband who is so good to me and who exceeds my desires and expectations. He's not what I had in mind, and thank goodness, because he is perfect for me and just I need. For the two precious and priceless boys he has sent to grace our home with their tender Spirits. For the amazing Blessing it is to be home with them every day, allowed to raise them by me and not a random day care.

It was hard to wait for the only thing I really wanted. To date and be dumped. To graduate without any prospects of marriage-- or a job for that matter. To be a vagrant, unemployed, "Home"less single girl. But, looking back I am so grateful that I didn't pine away TOO much and that overall my attitude was upbeat and I remained true and motivated to what I knew was right. I'm grateful that I went to college and that I graduated with a degree that I was able to use for 6 years and can also go back to if circumstance requires. I didn't want to use my degree at all, not even for a year, but looking back I am so grateful that I had those extra years to prepare for Motherhood. I am such a better Mom because of the hours spent practicing on other people's kids.

Which brings me to trial of Infertility that Mike and I faced. I know it was a mild case but nonetheless, it was another situation of "Your timing and not mine... although I'd rather my timing if that would be okay." Well, obviously it wasn't and looking back I'm glad I didn't get my way.

And that's where all this rambling will hopefully tie together. So much of my youth and early 20's have been: When's it my turn? When can my life really start?

Now that my life has started. Now that I'm so blessed with a Wonderful Eternal Companion. Now that I have two amazing boys. I can step back and realize that it took a while to start because I wasn't ready to be the kind of Wife and Mother that I knew I wanted to be. I thought I was ready, and sometimes people are sent these blessings before they're ideal time. But my Heavenly Father was loving enough to make me wait. He was so good to withhold those blessings for a season so that I could put in some preparatory work. And how grateful that not only did He give me that time, but that I was semi-smart enough to use it pretty wisely. Yes, looking back I would've chilled out about dating and trying to get married (although at the time, that's what felt right and I wanted to make sure that I was doing my part), I would've studied harder and gotten better grades (although I knew college wasn't grades, it was about life lessons, of which I did learn many of)... I guess I really wouldn't have done much differently because that was all part of the preparation. I'm just really glad I went into teaching. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Hard as it was, and all the years I didn't like it so much. It was a good choice. The right choice.

So, am I enjoying my two babies. You better believe it. I waited a long time for them. There were a lot of years I wanted a family of my own (say like when I was in 3rd grade and on). A lot of years I wanted a house and a Home of my own. A lot of years of loneliness where I wanted that consistent companion I could love and who would love me just as much. A lot of years I had this need to nurture and Mother.

Now that I have it, you bet I'm enjoying it. It's tiring and sometimes hard, but oh my goodness is it fun. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world and I know that My Heavenly Father knows me and loves me and is not afraid to give some tough love for what He knows is best for me.

And, now that I've written all this, I'm sure I'm jinxing myself and will now have a day from hell and wish I was back in the classroom. Furthermore, who knows what the future holds. We could have a natural disaster and I could lose everything. My husband. My boys. My home. My health. Family members and their support. Friends. Conveniences and comforts... running water and flushing toilets. But because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I Know that I am sealed to these 3 wonderful boys and as long as I make the right choices during this sliver of time on the endless spectrum of Eternity, that we Will be Together Forever. For this knowledge and Blessing I find so much comfort, peace, and gratitude.

Marrying later (age 24) allowed me time to study abroad, travel, teach, live on my own, get my degree

"Waiting" to have children gave Mike and I time to play, enjoy each other, and build happy and lasting memories. I taught and gained experience there, I earned money that we were able to invest in our homes, we traveled a lot, and we settled in our home in Highland.

4-5 years of what I considered putting us behind actually put us ahead in every aspect but time. Financially, emotionally, mentally, academically, socially, and spiritually we are better and with more to contribute than we would be otherwise. We are able to make smarter decisions for ourselves and our family.

Resolved: Take care of yourself and stay young!