Torn

Although a serious sleep deficit and shortage of "Me" time are pretty high up there, I think the biggest challenge I am facing with having two is the continual internal struggle I feel between wanting have and to be everything to all three of my boys. I LOVED the time Mike and I had when it was just us. The closeness and togetherness we enjoyed. Especially on the weekends when we would go skiing, camping, traveling, housework, etc.
I Loved my time just with James. Sometimes I miss the days when it was just James and I. We had each other all to ourselves all day everyday. I think we both got used to that and we both loved it...
And now we have Daniel, who I would give the world for. I ADORE that kid! He is so precious. There is something very special about him and he absolutely brightens my days and our home. I feel torn because I would love to baby him like I did James. I would love to give 100% of me to him. I would love to eat, sleep, and play with him all day everyday. But I can't.
Mike and I can't enjoy the luxury of each other like we used to. James and I can't enjoy 1:1 each other all the time. And Mr. Daniel and I can't be Mommy/ Baby like I'd like to.
Because I'm nursing, 90% of the time I take Daniel and Mike takes James. I love it. I LOVE my babies and I love having that time with Daniel. But, then I look at James and can't believe how much of a baby he is. He's still in diapers, a crib, drinking from a sippy, and learning to talk. He is such a baby still and when I stop and realize that than I want to spend my hours enjoying that baby as well.
Today I gave a little more attention to James than Daniel. That's not the norm. And I realized just how much I've missed him. He is such a delightful baby and I just so wish I could have each of them 100% to me and they could each have 100% of me.
I know if any other mom were to read this, she'd laugh and say "dream on and welcome back to reality..." But as a new Mom, it's a struggle for me and something that I have felt a lot of for the last 7 months. I adore my boys and I wish there was just more of me to go around... sometimes it makes me want to stop at two. I don't know how I'll stretch myself for 3 or 4.
I just so want to enjoy each of my three Boys to the fullest. Is that really too much to ask for???

Solution: Use time wisely and cherish every second I have to enjoy each boy--live in the moment.