Tutorial

It was the best of days and the worst of days... but in the end it was very good. I was tutored by the spirit and here are a few lessons it taught me:

1) James. Oh, my sweet James. It has been a hard year on him. First, I was sick with morning sickness. Next I was on bed rest. Finally, the baby came. I have not been there for James for a year now. I have been short tempered with him. Impatient. Not understanding. Annoyed. Mean. Anything but nurturing and anything but his Mom.
Tonight, after a day from hell and after treating him like scum, I had a sacred experience with him. The boy has not been sleeping. Not at night, not in the day. I tried to get him down for a nap with no avail. I tried to get him down to bed, with no avail. Finally, I locked him in his room. For over an hour and he cried most of that time. Finally, after getting a break from kids and feeling compassion in my heart, I went up to comfort him and to put him to bed. I opened the door and his sweet eyes were red from crying. I picked him up and I held him. I rocked him. I hugged him. And I poured out my heart to him. Telling him how sorry I was that I haven't been there for him. He's my baby too and I enjoy holding, hugging, and cuddling with him just as much as I do Andrew. James is growing just as fast as my baby. So clearly in my head I saw his childhood drift away as a dream. He's already into playing with friends, and begs to have friends over to play. Next year he starts school. Before I know it, he'll be in sports, junior high, driving, working, reporting to the MTC, going to college, and getting married. In the blink of an eye, he'll be a husband and a daddy of his own. Am I going to me the kind of mom that he scoffs at, or will I hold a dear spot in his heart that no one can ever fill? Will he look on me as his mom or will he revere me as Mother, blessed and pure? Will I be an angel in his life or will I be something he avoids? Will he call me blessed? I hope to be his #1 fan, biggest support, and always on his team. I hope to be a sweet blessing in his life.
2) Callings. Any time given in serving is no sacrifice at all. When Mike was called to be EQP he didn't understand then and probably still doesn't understand why I was excited. It's because I knew that our little family would receive blessings far greater than any inconvenience or time that came with it. Our home, marriage, and family have been blessed with an increased focus and spirituality. Just tonight he asked to go help a family in need. Not the greatest timing, but when is it ever? He left me with the boys, two of which I was at and beyond my wits end. But, as seen with my James experience, it ended up being one of the most peaceful, sacred, and enjoyable evenings I've had in a while. This experience and hopefully change for the better would not have happened if Mike had been home helping with the boys.
3) Service. We really are blessed proportionally to our service. Example: the sweet and amazing girls who helped me out so much on bed rest now make up my referral list for babysitters. Ama babysits my kids when she's in town, so we usually don't need any, but there are lots of moms who do, and any chance I get, I give them the names of those cute girls. Not to mention, Daniel idolizes them and follows them any chance he gets. Additionally, I'm grateful for all of the service Mike has given since we've been in the neighborhood. I don't feel as guilty receiving service when I think of the 30+ families Mike has moved and 22+ houses he laid sod for. We too have been blessed proportionately to the service we've rendered.
4) Mother of Boys. Is a sacred and special calling. Boys are so tender. I love boys and always have. I've always known that they have a sweet side to them. But I've never seen it like I do as a mom. I think they might be sweeter inside than girls. My boys are the most tender little beings and it's such an honor and a privilege to be the one who gets to take care of their needs when they are too little to be able to take care of themselves.
5) Book of Mormon. Right after bringing Andrew home I was overwhelmed with sharing my love now 4-ways. What a daunting and overwhelming task. I knew I couldn't do it. I knew there was not enough time in a day or energy in a person to be able to sufficiently take care of everyone's needs. I knew as I know now there there is only one possible way to have everyone's needs adequately met, and that is through diving help. And, clearly as anything, the statement came to my mind: "Read the Book of Mormon. The only way you can do this is by reading The Book of Mormon." I regret to say that my baby is now 2 1/2 months old and I am only in Mosiah. And, without delay, anytime I am struggling, am frustrated, stressed, exhausted, exasperated, or disappointed, the same words come to my mind: "Read the Book of Mormon." So, in my needs, I made a new resolve to read it, and to read it quickly. I hope to finish by the 25th (3 month bday). In doing so, I and my family will receive blessings that we can receive no other way. The Book of Mormon is the answer to so many things, as it is the answer now. I know that peace, perspective, and love will fill the current void in my mind and heart.
6) The seemingly important is not that important at all. The housecleaning, decorating, vacuuming, dusting, weeding, errands, organizing, garage, etc really aren't what my family care about. They don't notice or care. What they really want is ME.