Once she began to realize that getting it wasn’t possible, she wasn’t interested in my excuses, arguments, or my diversions. My validation, however, was another matter. Finding out that I understood how she felt seemed to make her feel better. For me, it was a memorable testament to the power of empathy. The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
| accepted acknowledged admired appreciated approved of believed in capable cared about challenged clear (not confused) competent confident forgiven forgiving | free fulfilled heard helped helpful important in control included listened to loved needed noticed powerful | private productive / useful reassured recognized respected safe / secure supported treated fairly trusted understanding understood valued worthy |
- Values the child's negative emotions as an opportunity for intimacy and bonding
- Can tolerate spending time with sad, angry or fearful child
- Does not become impatient with emotions
- Is aware of and values own emotions
- Sees the world of negative emotions as an important area for parenting
- Is sensitive to the child's emotional states, even subtle ones
- Is not confused or anxious about the child's emotional expression
- Knows what needs to be done
- Respects the child's emotions
- Does not invalidate the child's emotions
- Does not say how the child should feel
- Does not believe he needs to fix has to fix every problem for the child
- Uses emotional moments to: (1) Listen to the child (2) Empathize with soothing words and affection (3) Help the child label the emotion he is feeling (4) Offer guidance on regulating emotion (5) Set limits and teach acceptable behavior & expression of emotions (6) Teach problem-solving methods
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