Funny

Dear Daniel, I am glad that you are my friend but we never play anymore. I think it is because you spend too much time with Tami and not me. Sincerely, Riley

Don't forget I am coming to your desk

It's my first day of second grade. I can't wait until the Halloween party. And the Christmas party. And the Easter party. And the St. Patrick's Day party. -Daniel's journal

Fish Name -BYU- because we got one fish and the fish died then we got another fish that one died and another and another and we got 21st and they all died so I think we should call the first BYU because we called all the fish we got BYU. -Daniel

James: Daniel, kneaders (breakfasts) are even better than IHOP. 

Daniel: Uh. Huh. Uh. I don’t believe you. 

James, your butt’s talking to me. 

One time I saw mom changing the poo in Derek’s diaper, and it was holy moly white. 

Ureene- urine  (Daniel)

Robin: how do we teach the boys that Mom and Dad can be picky but they can’t?

Mike: send them to scout camp. 

Little does Dad know that the real family racecar is the odyssey. 

Mom everyone in the family has a pet except for dad... because your pet is Derek. James 

“I’m just trying to be like Mom” (skiing like a dare devil during night skiing at Brighton)

You know I’m a spy in real life. -Andrew

Daniel: Andrew, do you want to be a spy when you grow up?

Andrews: I am already a spy. 

I know everything. Just because I’m a spy... I spy on everyone every time. But even when it’s night time. -Andrew 

Mike: but even when it’s me. 

My friend that looks like me. I don’t play with him much. Even he is a spy. -Andrew 

I just know everything. -Andrew

Andrew, of all the noses in the world, yours is one of my favorites. -Mom

Derek, scratch mom’s back until I get back. Andrew

Derek: 

Dodos = shoulders 

Derek: meow

Dad: what animal are you?

Derek: Derek 

At marriage Getaway 

Honey, will you write me a sappy love letter for Valentine’s Day? 

Sure. You write it, I’ll sign it. 

Mom: Andrew, do you like chili?

Andrew: No, just because it taste like poop. With mud in it. And also just because I do not like it.

James: Mom have you looked at your hair in the mirror today?I don’t wanna lie, but I don’t really like your hair right now.  Do you like it?

Robin: does my hair embarrass you? Yes, yes it does. 

He thinks he’s a ninja. But I teach a real karate class. Andrew

Yeah but Derek has a cuteness shield. James 

Mom: James, that Valentines box is pretty sweet looking. 

James: I know

Mom, do we have a Cupid? Andrew

While driving in the bmw in the canyon Dad asked: Daniel, are you carsick?

No, I’m the opposite of car sick. 

I don’t really want to go on a mission to France. Because I don’t like cheese. James 

Mom: Daniel, how does mom feel about ironing?

Daniel: You’re allergic to it.

Andrew: I thought mom was allergic to sewing. 

Mom: that’s cute

James: what’s cute?

Derek: me!

I wanted to snow so much that it covers the whole house and we can play on it. Andrew

My new bird just jumped inside the toilet. Andrew

Mom: Will you put on clean pants, please?

Andrew: These are clean! I put them on yesterday. 

If given the choice between a bag of skittles or one penny, I would choose the penny. James

Today Andrew reminded me: “Mom, don’t ever touch your door. I will get it for you.” 

And he means it. For the past few weeks he always remembers open the garage door, car doors, house doors and church doors. 

“Mmmoooooom, james is taking Derek from me and I want to take him on one more ride.” Daniel ... you stole Derek!

That picture looks like we’re going on our missions. Except we’re not big enough. Andrew

Mom: how high can you count?

Andrew: so high... I can count so hard that I. Can not stop. 

Mom, I like tigers, lions, and sharks.

What other animals do you like?

All the mean animals. 

 All that I ate was nothing. Andrew

Mom (after being at the Honda dealer): Do you want to go with dad (in the bmw)?

Andrew: Yeah, but I don’t want to spill my hot chocolate so I’ll go with you. Because dad will drive fast. 

Daniel’s the little kid whisperer. James

Mom, today we read a book that says if you catch a leprechaun you get three wishes. If I catched one, I would 1) get a new bike, 2) see Elfie right now, and 3) hug my bird. 

These are eyebrows. 

What are these? Yourbrows

What are the mybrows 

What happens when you put a frog in a blender? “It’s Blenderful” -Daniel

Derek eats toothpaste. Daniel 

Derek, we don’t eat toothpaste. Daniel

I’m like a Samurai with toenail clippers. Dad

They (Braces) feel like rabbit ears. Baby rabbit ears. Margaret from clementine 

Mom: What do you guys like to find in your Easter eggs?

Daniel: Money! And candy. And big toys. 

“Bless the food. The Prophet. And that we can get Easter real fast.” -Andrew’s prayer 

(While at a stop light ) I can tell that’s dad‘s car because of the color and because of how clean it is. James

Mom: do MRE’s really not expire?

James: probably not. Kind of like Twinkies.

Mom, I know that the Easter bunny is you or dad. So, is it you or dad? -Daniel 

Are you guys bored? 

Mom, do you remember that boredom is an insult to yourself? -James 

“Danther”

“It smells so good! I can smell lizards.” Daniel 

“ Me just thinking of home.” Derek

My nickname is the Danimal or Danther. It used to be honey badger. 

James: What was that dog you called me?

Daniel: Prairie dog?

(while hiking to delicate arch) I’m just not thirsty. Maybe it is because I'm drinking the wind. -Andrew

Hey Derek, do you know everything?

Me cut the cheese. Derek

I can smell lizards in the bushes. Daniel 

“Delicious Derek Dessert”

Delicate arch... lizards

They’ve got to EARN the pampered adult lifestyle. Tammy

“Canyafornia” Daniel

(In slot canyon) “It's like we are in the creatures throat. 

We will see the heart soon. Maybe.” Andrew

I have so much rabies now. I am toxic. ... and now I am melting. -Daniel

Drink all your sorrows away until you wake up and they’re worse the next day. 

Bye Miss Fitter over there. Derek 

 That’s not a car mom, that’s a BMW Andrew

Why did the parakeet stop at the store? To get some tweets. James

Turbo to turdo (Derek)

I just got to the one. A big one.

Daniel, I have a machine that makes tons of fake money. Andrew

The headlights on Porches look like squished rotten apples. Daniel

I had a dream that we all got our own car for Christmas. Daniel got a Tesla, Andrew got a Dodge, I got a BMW I8, Dad got a Lamborghini, Mom got a Limo, and Derek got an orange Mini. -James

The thing is, I just like licking (the fireplace) rocks. -James 

These are my favorite holidays in order. Pioneer day, Christmas, and Easter. -Daniel 

I get to spend time with friends and we celebrate a ton in the day and also at night. We have bounce houses. Slides. A triathlon. 

When you’re lying on the tramp it feels like you’re in the microwave. Daniel 

Andrew: Why is this van driving faster than dad’s BMW? 

Mom: Because mom’s driving it... OK, actually because Dad’s being a gentleman. 

It’s fun to drive around at night. Even without a BMW. James

It’s ok Daniel, you can fart on me. 

Oh. 

Actually, I can’t make myself fart. 

After reading the story of Job, James said: “Wow! That’s the most amazing story I’ve ever heard in my whole life. It’s amazing how he has that much faith.”

Ow, I think I just pulled my armpits off. Andrew

“Grasshopper”- Daniel’s soccer nickname from Ama

Danther 

Cornbelly’s just popped into my mind. Daniel

Hiking the Y:

Wow, I can see the whole earth from up here. Andrew

I really wish I didn’t do this hike, but it’s really fun... And also I think I did just bit myself. Andrew 

Snowflake is acting like “king of the food box.” He stands on it all day long and doesn’t let the other birds near it. James

I’m swinging like a cowboy. I’m falling off my pony. (song with a hick accent) Andrew at Hee Haws 

Knowing that tears put an end to tickle monster, tonight after FHE Andrew said: “That really hurt. I mean, that feeled nice.”

Referring to Derek, Andrew said “I’ve got a monkey. Eating bananas all day.”

 It feels like there is banana bugs on me. Andrew

JWhat’s that smell?

Chicken

I’m not trying to be rude. But it kind of smells like school lunch. 

Derek, let’s play ball. You hit me with the ball and I hit you with the ball... Let’s play ball stinker. Andrew 

They like doing cartwheels. And being weird in a girl away. Daniel

I still have the warm on the hook. My worm is invincible. Daniel

Mom, right when I saw your car, I wanted to jump on it, open the hatch and hug you. Andrew 

When I hit you, don’t move. Suparn

Things you’re forced to do are often the best things for you. You pretty much prevent her from doing what she wants to do... and she does the same thing for you. -Connor Lee

Mom, I even washed the seat for you. Happy Mother’s Day. -James 

How does Daniel even make himself burp? It’s hard. Andrew

After 3 consecutive days of showering:

Mom: What I’m curious about is who James has a crush on.

James. I actually have a crush on two girls. They sit on both sides of me. 

James: there’s a robin. Mom, are birds your favorite animal?

Mom: nope

James: us?

Mom: yes 

I don’t want lotion, mom. I like my skin dry. I like how it feels. Danieleon the chameleon 

I think one of your boogers just fell on my dress. Mom

I got burned once. It didn’t feel nice. Andrew

J: Daniel, your fish is dead.

D: I knew it would die. 

J: Then, why did you buy one?

D: It was only $.25. 

J: that’s why you can’t trust people at the Renaissance fair. 

At the crosswalk James: “dad always stops, even when he’s late for work.” 

“James, do you know what the best thing about playing outside with a friend is? When you fart, you don’t smell it and they don’t hear it.” Daniel 

Why do they caught the Grand Canyon? They should call it the fall Canyon and the watch out Canyon. Andrew

Now my scales are like zebras. Daniel (in Daniel’s voice)

Jumping on the tramp. “I’m not going to be a mouse because it has rabies.” James

He’s only wearing overalls. And I bet he has underwear on also.... sometimes James doesn’t put underwear on. -Daniel

I like to get out and get warm for a while and then I go back in and it feels nice. Daniel 

That looks just like AMA’s car. With no flag. Daniel 

After church: “Mom, you look pletty.” Andrew 

Mom, today I fasted for Matt because I think he’s going to really miss his family and it’s going to be hard and stuff on his mission. -James (all on his own)

Where my deen Boadies is? Da dodge? Where are my green floaty‘s? The garage? Derek

Next time we go to the pool, are you going to jump off the clifft? Mom, you have to jump off of it. It’s burning fun. Andrew

Mom, all the elders I see have a smile on their face. That’s one reason I want to go on a mission... “because they’re teaching people about Jesus.” -Daniel 

Me (diss) kiss you. -Derek 

If you mess with the best, your die with the rest. If you can’t take the pain, don’t play the game. Katelyn 

Woah, that was even farder (farther) than I thought it would be. -Andrew

I finally convinced my mom and dad (to go to topaz) James 

Mom to Andrew: hi buddy

Andrew: no, you’re a buddy

... donuts are buddies to cookies. 

Mom, I would’ve beat you (running) if I went faster. Andrew

 Do you think Simon (neighbors wiener dog) has just a little bit of rabies? Daniel 

Andrew: why do I have to write sentences?

Daniel: You don’t have to, you get to! It’s the only way to teach you not to do those things. Plus, it’s good for you. It helps you get better at writing. 

Mom Should we drive the Beamer?

James:I think we should get dad’s permission first.

On the night before the air show, I think it will be like Christmas. James

Mom: I thought you liked waffles?

Daniel: I do. It’s just, kind of, the sausages distracted me.

Me like donuts and dorne (corn) dogs. And Dotdo (Costco) and hotels. Derek

Mom, I really want one of my teeth to fall out. So sometimes I pull on my teeth this way and that way hoping that way one will fall out. Because I really want one to to fall out. Andrew

(Eating pickle-flavored popcorn) I feel like I’m watching a car accident. It’s gross but I just can’t stop. -Mike

Andrew: Derek , you’re not the boss of the fort. 

Derek: I am boss. 

This is actually soccer called hopscotch.

I’m glad we don’t have a red car. Because if we drove where there are bulls, they would run into us. Daniel

Do you know who caused World War III? Trump. -Daniel 

Mom: Daniel, what was your favorite thing today (9th Birthday)?

Daniel: the family

I hope we find a lizard in our beach house . Daniel

Mom, you go first. You’re the queen so you always go first. Andrew 

 Mom, do you know I am I swear word finger is so sharp? It is because I can’t bite it. Andrea

Just because Derek is so cute, I hugged him and that kind of woke him up. Andrew

Make sureing (making sure)-Andrew 

M: What part do you like? 

A:I like the chocolate part. Just because it’s chocolate. Andrew

I hereby bequeath the the holy grill meat flipper. -Dad to James 

"That sign actually says no food for you." Andrew

James, do you know that everything in my room is worth about $7,060? Daniel 

Oh sorry truck, but we’re going to beat you. Andrew 

Thank you for this dinner. Even though it’s totally healthy I still love it. Daniel 

Nothing like a trip to lull you into thinking you have a happy family. Julie

When things get tough we get tougher. 

I’m just being awesome so I can get my treasure chest. Andrew 

That’s a very dirty car (on the freeway) and it makes me feel disgusting inside. Daniel 

After catching a bird flying in mid air, dad said “there are tiger moms and then there are Ninja moms.”

School lunch is a step up from the orphanage in Nacho Libre. Mom 

11 years of mommyhood and I’m officially using the word: potty. 

If James can’t, I can. -Andrew 

James, you and I both have Savage sibling scars. Mom

I Wish we could have spikes on our (car) wheels. Andrew 

Now I’ve seen you hit a sign, drive over a curb, and break dad sunglasses. And I’ve heard the story of you knocking over a Stop sign. Andrew

No. But actually yeah. Andrew

(At the Arts Shack) I’m gonna to do it. It may not look really good, but I’m going to do it. All by my myself.  Andrew

Support wildlife: raise boys t shirt at Ed week

If you don’t want marshmallow (graham) crackers crunchy, you just suck on them... that’s what you do. -Andrew 

Sometimes when I’m driving Frauline I wonder why everyone else is going on so slow on the freeway. Until I look at my speed. Mike

No matter how many barbies you break, we still love you. Dad

I am Captain Nothing pants. Andrew

What are your favorite things about your teacher? 

Daniel: Everything

The best part is that when she’s teaching math she explains that really well. She even does it for us really fast. 

I brought all of my stuff animals just because I want them all to feel like they’re my favorite. James

Of course Heavenly Father loves us. Otherwise he wouldn’t have made is. Andrew

I know HF loves me because he answered all 4 of my prayers. Andrew

That actually is not my thing. Digging through the trash. Daniel 

I’m so sweaty. I feel like there’s just one whole bowl of water on my head. Andrew

Daniel: Mom, can I bring the (Roxberry) shake in with me? 

Mom: This is Walmart, you could bring a dead body in with you. 

Mom: Who wants pizza?

Andrew: I would rather just eat my cheek. 

“Every day is mamma day.” -Andrew

(Andrew calls me mamma)

Mamma di Ama & Daddy-O

A: Mom, when is this tree going to grow popcorn on it? 

M:?After the winter. 

A: Oh, I want to pick them for you. 

Andrew my Mandrew. 

Mom, when are we ever going to get mustachios? Like the ones you crack open and eat. (Pistachios) -Andrew 

The (older kids) are like dads playing on the playground. But a little bit smaller. And and I fall off because I’m trying to do what they’re doing. -Andrew 

OK, who’s going to get out of my way so I can get some food? -Andrew 

Dad: Who has a favorite Disneyland ride?

Daniel: My favorite is a lot. 

Most perfect Mom moment today was when my cute little Andrew my Mandrew walked in the door beaming from ear to ear and came up to me and secretly and VERY slowly whispered in my ear: “Hey Mom. I got a girlfriend.” ... her name is Livvy 

“Dama” = Ama Derek 

Mom, I thought I was your boyfriend. Andrew

Mom is the most best thing ever. Andrew

Mom, I’m just going to change my socks because they smell like poop. Andrew 

I hear so much big foots. It’s like big foot is everywhere. Andrew 

That hurted my ear balls. Andrew

Once I did that (cleaned the toilet) all by myself with no one else helping me. And I did an awesome job. So. 

I’m eating my toenails so that I can do karate right. Andrew

Andrew: Hey mom, I can’t whistle in my classroom.

Mom: Why do you think that is?

Andrew: Because I am too good. 

I’m not cute. I’m awful cute. Andrew

Just call me Andrew Banandrew.

Mom, sometimes my brain is a fluffy cloud and sometimes it’s a steal trap. -Andrew

“Mom, your real name is Mama di AMA, you know. Andrew

Mom: safety first

Andrew: no safety for me

This is so awesomely good. Andrew

This is my cow boots. Derek

Dotdo ober der. (Costco over there) -Derek

Top Ten:

10-

9-

8-

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6-

5-

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3-

2- This is gonna be derangerous! -Daniel

1- Siri navigating us through Tijuana with her gringo accent: “turn left in Jet Rez Callay” for Juarez Calle.

James, do you want a wart? -Daniel

Me dinja (ninja) -Derek

Ninjadrew; Ninjandrew

I want to be a teenager like Matt. Lots of teenagers are like “Meh, I’m so cool.” But Matt is cool. -James

Some teenagers do stupid things. Like ring doorbells and run. I’m never gonna do that when I a teenager.” -Daniel

Yeah, and like toilet papering. That’s not how you show someone you love them. That’s just messy. James

It’s okay Mom, you have 3 more months to get used to the fact that we only have 2 hours of church. James

Mom: Daniel, are you Mormon?

Daniel: “Yes. No. Okay. (Pause and deep breath) If you’re asking if I’m a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Yes.”

“Ok, Mom. Now ask me. I’ve been practicing.” -James

I hope my arm is broken. Because then I could have a cast. And I could show Tanner. Because he really does get casts a ton. Andrew

Mom: do we have anything that starts with a G that you could bring to school today?

Derek: geets. (Treats)

That’s a hotel house. Derek (driving up to the Lamm’s house)

The Lamm’s house is a six star. Daniel

Yeah, it’s not even on the starmometer. James

I know everything on this ride 

What? I’ve been on it once. Andrew

I want mommy to sleep in my bed, not you. Because you fart in people’s beds. Andrew

My favorite thing to do is sun bathe. In the sun. Daniel

Today I was almost late and so I ran to my class just like Indiana Jones when he’s getting shot at with bow and arrow’s. Andrew

I’m mostly thinking about hot dogs in my mind. Andrew

After acting like a lizard all morning:

What are we? Not a lizard. Daniel

Is it getting fuzzy around there (mouth)?

I wish I was growing s beard. James

If I were you, I would just go with it. Andrew

Mom, you are showing that pumpkin who is really the boss. Andrew

I farted. On the counter. Andrew

Look mommy. At stickes (sticks). Derek

Me like it freezing hot. Derek

I’m sorry I’m not a good... mom. Mike

Daniel, this breakfast was made with meal worms and love. Mike

I was actually upstairs wiping my butt. Andrew

The hard way is hitting girls and getting spanked. The easy way is not hitting girls. Andrew

Mom and dad are my best friends. Daniel