Primary in service: Thank you. Spectrum. "behold, your little ones"
Discussion: How do you connect with your children? How do you engage each child?
Items: cell phones, subs, treats, 2-deep, schedule/ hallway
To see or observe a thing or person, especially a remarkable or impressive one. "behold your king!"
see, observe, look at, watch, witness, gaze at or upon, regard, contemplate, inspect, catch sight of, notice
How do you connect with the one? How do you engage each individual?
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“Behold”
I absolutely love the word behold. It’s on my list of top
five favorite words. There is no other word to properly describe it. There are
some synonyms that get close, but the only way to properly understand the word
is to feel it. To experience it.
If I were to try to describe behold, I might use Webster’s
definition: see, observe,
look at, watch, witness,
gaze at or upon, regard, contemplate, inspect,
catch sight of, notice;
To see or observe a thing or person, especially a remarkable or impressive one.
Such as "behold your king!"
I love “behold your king.” The way that we would look at,
honor, and revere a great man in that position. But it’s more than that. It’s
to open up your eyes and really see someone as they are. Not just a mortal
person that you know but to see them with your spiritual eyes.
In "The Weight of Glory" CS Lewis said that “It is
a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to
remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day
be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship…
It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and
the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with
one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no
ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures,
arts, civilizations — these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life
of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and
... Next to the blessed sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object
presented to your senses.”
It’s embracing, recognizing, appreciating, revering and
being in awe of this infinite spirit right there in your presence. Masked
behind age, mistakes, quirks, bad habits, and a myriad of mortal flaws.
About five years ago, Sister Miller shared an insight she
had as a young mom and it has stuck with me. To preface, I do not like
surprises. I don’t do clutter. Additionally, I’m what some people might say a
tightwad and Mike learned very early on in our marriage that I like to have a
say in what I’m getting.
Sister Miller learned early on that her children are like a
gift. A total and complete surprise of which she had absolutely no say or
control over. No gift receipt to return it or exchange it for something
‘better.’ It was up to her to slowly and carefully unwrap that gift, finding
out exactly what was inside, and then loving and appreciating whatever it was.
Here’s another example. A precious friend of mine gave me a
box of candles for my birthday last year. I so appreciated the sentiment but as
I looked through my house, I didn’t see a need or a place for them anywhere. I
knew I could return them or re-gift them. But really, I never could give them
away because she’s that dear of a friend to me. And so, for nearly a year, the
candles sat in a box in my laundry room. Every time I looked at them, I felt my
friend’s love and my appreciation for her. But I still didn’t have a place for
them and I wasn’t making an effort to make place. Until one day I saw them and
I said: I love this friend, I love this gift, and I will find a place for them. I took her suggestion and chose put
them in my marriage room, and to my surprise and humble embarrassment, they
were actually exactly what I’d been shopping for in the stores but couldn’t
find. They were perfect. They were actually better than anything I could have
picked out on my own. They add a dimension of warmth and peace that I didn’t
even realize I needed. The candles were something I never would’ve picked out
for my bedroom, but were just right.
Sometimes parents feel this way about a child or even a
spouse. Mike wasn’t really my young women’s “list” of what I want my future
husband to be. And I wasn’t totally his. For example, I would study in the
Tanner (business) building at BYU to meet a boy. Mike is a computer programmer.
I wanted dark hair. He’s blonde. I wanted the business type. He’s a quiet
leader. He’s not the gift I wanted and it took me years of dating what I
thought I wanted to figure this one out. Thank goodness he’s not what I
would’ve picked out at the store. He’s so, so much better. And as his wife, it
is my job to “behold” him. To see him through a lens of love, appreciation,
awe, respect, and adoration.
About a year ago I was going through an especially hard time
with one of my sons, questioning if I
was really the right mom for him and his needs. I knew that children are sent to parents for a reason but I felt like he needed a different
personality, someone who could connect with and adore him on a different level.
Over time I gradually began to see and feel how in specific ways I really was
the right mom for him, and he the right son for me.
So, back to behold. Control freak, tightwad, close minded
and all, it’s not only graciously accepting the present that’s in front of you,
but it’s really opening up your spiritual eyes and seeing it as it is. It’s
accepting the gift finding a place for it in your heart. It’s loving,
appreciating, and seeing it as it is. It’s opening your eyes and embracing it
wholeheartedly.
My forehead has the calling “primary” written in it. I
taught for seven years. I like to work with kids and for the most part, they
respond well to me. For years my favorite chapter in the book of Mormon has
been 3rd Nephi 17. Imagine this:
1) Seeing the savior, in person.
2) Having your children not only see the Savior, but to
touch him and to be in his presence.
The experience of your child being with Jesus and being
surrounded by angels which appeared to look like fire to the onlookers.
Amazing! And then, to have the Savior
address the parents and, of all the different things He could say, He says:
“Behold.”
He says “behold your little ones.” Like, “parents do you see
this? Can your eyes see how amazing this experience is and how amazing your
kids are? I mean obviously you see the angels because it looks like fire, and
if you had a camera you might want to take a picture, but parents, do you really see this? You aren’t the ones who
brought down the angels, these precious and amazing souls are.” In modern
vernacular: “Wake up from your distractions, desires, and personal agendas. Put
down your cell phones, change out of those exercise pants, turn off the TV,
forget about yourself for a few minutes and truly see these amazing little
spirits right here in front of your faces.”
Additionally, “Let your needs for them go. Give up trying to
relive your childhood through them. Let them be them. Let them choose if
they’re going to be sporty, scholarly, social, creative, engineering, or
computer minded. Let them be who they are meant to be, not who you think or
want them to be. And then, embrace that. They might not be what you envisioned
or hoped for them, but if you trust them, they will be even more. See them. See
them for all they are, good, bad, annoying, demanding, and eternal little
beings. Revere them. Embrace them.
See the good in them now and the good that they can become.”
As we behold someone, we can truly see them as they are and
then we can embrace them. With unreserved open arms.
How does one do this?
·
Hold, cuddle, kiss
·
Eye contact; look
them in the eyes
·
Play with; spend time together, 1:1, laugh
·
Spend time in their space; doing what they enjoy
·
Listen to them; empathize
·
Get down on their level
·
Disconnect to Connect with them
·
Seek to understand them (what’s their story?)
·
Record those perfect moments and give thanks for
them
·
Welcome emotions1
1https://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/10_habits_to_stay_connected_to_your_child
Elder Palmer’s
experience:
As a frustrated, new mission president, Elder S.M. Palmer
relates the scripture story of the rich young man in Mark 10:21 and the words
“Then Jesus beholding him loved him.” He goes on to explain that as he heard
these words, an image filled his mind of our Lord pausing and beholding this
young man. To which he says: “Beholding--as
in looking deeply and penetratingly into his soul, recognizing his goodness and
also his potential, as well as discerning his greatest need.
Then the simple words—Jesus loved him. He felt an overwhelming
love and compassion for this good young man, and because of this love and with
this love, Jesus asked even more of him. I pictured what it must have felt like
for this young man to be enveloped by such love even while being asked to do
something so supremely hard as selling all he owned and giving it to the poor.”
Elder Palmer goes on to explain that “In that moment, I knew
it was not just the hearts of some of our missionaries that needed changing. It
was my heart as well. The question no longer was “How does a frustrated mission
president get a struggling missionary to behave better?” Instead, the question
was “How can I be filled with Christlike love so a missionary can feel the love
of God through me and desire to change?” How can I behold him or her in the
same way the Lord beheld the rich young man, seeing them for who they really
are and who they can become, rather than just for what they are doing or not
doing? How can I be more like the Savior?
From that time forward, as I sat knee to knee with a young
missionary struggling with some aspect of obedience, within my heart I now saw
a faithful young man or young woman who had acted on the desire to come on a
mission. Then I was able to say with all the feeling like that of a tender
parent: “Elder or Sister, if I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t care what happens on
your mission. But I do love you, and because I love you, I care about who you
become. So I invite you to change those things that are hard for you and become
who the Lord wants you to be.”
Each time I went to interview missionaries, I first prayed
for the gift of charity and that I could see each elder and sister as the Lord
sees him or her.”
Furthermore, before zone conferences, he and his wife would
greet each missionary and “I would pause and look deeply into their eyes,
beholding them--an interview without words--and then without fail, I was
filled with great love for these precious sons and daughters of God.”
Lessons Learned
1) As we learn to
see others as the Lord sees them rather than with our own eyes, our love for
them will grow and so will our desire to help them. We will see potential
within others they likely do not see in themselves. With Christlike love we
will not be afraid to speak with boldness, for “perfect love casteth out fear.”
And we will never give up, remembering that those who are hardest to love need
love the most.
2) No true
teaching or learning will ever occur when done in frustration or anger, and
hearts will not change where love is not present. Whether we act in our roles
as parents, teachers, or leaders, true teaching will happen only in an
atmosphere of trust rather than condemnation. Our homes should always be safe
havens for our children--not hostile environments.
3) Love should
never be withdrawn when a child, friend, or family member fails to live up to
our expectations. We don’t know what happened to the rich young man after he
went away sorrowful, but I am confident Jesus still loved him perfectly even if
he chose the easier path. Perhaps later in life, as he found his great
possessions hollow, he remembered and acted on the singular experience of His
Lord beholding him, loving him, and inviting him to follow Him.
My dear brothers and sisters, now anytime you feel you are
being asked to do something hard--give up a poor habit or an addiction, put
aside worldly pursuits, sacrifice a favorite activity because it is the
Sabbath, forgive someone who has wronged you--think of the Lord beholding you,
loving you, and inviting you to let it go and follow Him. And thank Him for
loving you enough to invite you to do more.”
-Palmer April ‘17
From President
Hinckley:
“The story is told that in ancient Rome a group of women
were, with vanity, showing their jewels one to another. Among them was
Cornelia, the mother of two boys. One of the women said to her, “And where are
your jewels?” To which Cornelia responded, pointing to her sons, “These are my
jewels.” Under her tutelage, and walking after the virtues of her life, they
grew to become Gaius and Tiberius Gracchus—the Gracchi, as they were called—two
of the most persuasive and effective reformers in Roman history. For as long as
they are remembered and spoken of, the mother who reared them after the manner
of her own life will be remembered and spoken of with praise also.
How much more beautiful would be the world and the society
in which we live if every father looked upon his children as the most precious
of his assets, if he led them by the power of his example in kindness and love,
and if in times of stress he blessed them by the authority of the holy
priesthood; and if every mother regarded her children as the jewels of her
life, as gifts from the God of heaven who is their Eternal Father, and brought
them up with true affection in the wisdom and admonition of the Lord.” Hinckley
‘78
Other scripture
references:
Psalms 27:4 “Behold the beauty of the Lord”
Luke 1:27 “Behold the handmaid of the Lord”
John 1:29 “Behold the lamb of God”
John 19:26 “Woman, behold thy son”
3 Nephi 11:7 “Behold, my beloved son”
3 Nephi 17:23 “Behold, your little ones”
D&C 5:13 “Behold the plates”
D&C 6:37 “behold [his] wounds”
D&C 45:18 “Behold this temple” (Mountain of the Lord)
D&C 76:20 “beheld the glory of the son”
Conference:
“Behold the Man!” Uchtdorf April ‘18
“Behold! A Royal Army” Rasband April ‘18
“Behold Thy Mother” Monson (’73), Holland (’15)
“Behold your Little Ones” Hinckley Oct. ‘78
In the Book of Mormon, the Savior appeared to the Nephites. He gathered their little children around Him. He blessed them, prayed for them, and wept over them. Then He said to the parents, “Behold your little ones.”
The word behold means to look and see. What did Jesus want the parents to see in their little ones? Did He want them to catch a glimpse of their children’s divine potential?
As we look at our children and our grandchildren today, what does the Savior want us to see in them? Do we recognize that our children are the largest group of investigators of the Church? What must we do to bring about their lasting conversion?
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